Fifty Shades of Grey

What’s Up with All the Hype Over “Fifty Shades of Grey”?

by Meg on April 25, 2012

I don’t care who you are, you’ve heard about the erotic novel “Fifty Shades of Grey”. It’s a fantasy phenomenon. If you haven’t been drooling over the graphic sex scenes on your Nook, you’ve heard about them on The Today Show, MSNBC, CNN, and now Dr. Oz. This “mommy porn” as it’s referred to, is really just a love story with a BDSM twist. Of course, “Fifty Shades” is classified as Twilight fan fiction, so fantasy is heavily involved, which leads me to believe this is why women are so taken with this book. Well, that and the hero of the story, Christian Grey.

So, why did women fall absolutely head over heels for a Dominant? Well, here’s why:

• Protective: Women need to feel protected, physically AND emotionally. We need to feel safe to share our feelings, thoughts, secrets, fantasies, etc. Christian is strong, powerful and protects Ana (heroine of story). He hires security, buys her a safe car, and is faithful to her (sexually protects her).
• Successful: Not just monetarily, either. Men can have lots of money, but without goals or ambition, there really is no success. Christian is an entrepreneur and created great success for himself. He’s young and works hard.
• Decisive: I can’t think of anything more annoying than when, on a date, a man says, “Hmm…I don’t care. Where do you want to go?” or “It’s up to you,” or “Whatever time works for you.” Women want men who take control and have an opinion. We may want men to think we’re the boss, but really we don’t want to be. Many of us make huge decisions at work, so it’s nice to have decisions made for us, after hours. Christian knows what he wants, and what Ana wants. He orders for her, moves her into his home, tells her what time he’ll pick her up, etc. He famously says to her, “Come.” Quite the double entendre.
• Confident: Women need to feel like they can lean on their man, like a rock. It makes us feel comfortable and trusting. A man who can adapt to different social situations, is sophisticated, and comfortable with himself gives us that feeling. Christian is proficient in many different things (sailing, flying, business, lovemaking) and knows how to handle himself in diverse situations. He is also very well known, respected, and gets what he wants.
• Humor: Life is too serious to take seriously. We all need someone to laugh with. Christian has a sense of humor (although it is Ana who gets him to show it.) He is also imperfect, which makes him more human and relatable.

The other part of this book that is a huge draw to women is the fantasy piece. But, why? Keep reading for the reasons women fantasize.

• Autonomy: We have this need for autonomy (self-management and choice). Today, women have a lot of power and control at both, work and home. We’re under pressure and stressed. We’d love to relax, but giving up that control is scary. Fantasy is a non-threatening way to do so.
• Control: Giving up complete control involves trusting someone – completely. When is the last time you did that? When you were a baby? Imagine letting some dude tie your limbs to the bedposts and blindfold you, or telling a man your deepest, dirtiest, darkest secret. What feelings overcome you? Panic? Fear?
• Trust: Fantasies take us to a place where we can completely let ourselves go and trust someone – fully. It’s really what people are after; what we are all striving for. We all want to be taken care of, in some part of our life. No one can do everything alone.
• Escape: Life can be ugly. A lot of women fantasize because they’re going through divorces, have horrible jobs, are getting abused, are bored, whatever. Fantasy is a form of coping, stress relief.

One woman may drink a few martinis to unwind, another may snort a line of coke to deal with her rough day, another may blow $4,000 in an hour at Nieman Marcus, while yet another may fantasize to cope with life. Heck, some women may do all of the above! Either way, fantasy provides relief and makes us feel good.